What’s The Big Deal In A Girl Or Woman Being A Virgin At The Time Of Marriage?

What’s The Big Deal In A Girl Or Woman Being A Virgin At The Time Of Marriage? which I’m about to share with you, is a reaction to my previous posts on this blog.

They are in three parts: Part 1, Part 2, and Part 3.

Check them out, possibly, before continuing with the rest of this story.

Many societies around the world (I don’t want to mention names) place a lot of importance on the virginity of a man or a woman.

They believe that every man and woman should be a virgin until he or she gets married and that his or her first (and only) sexual partner should be his or her spouse.

The absence of virginity in that man or woman is seen as a sign of immoral character and a loss of his or her family’s honour.

Discrimination On The Matter Of Virginity

Current events in some of the countries that believe so much in virginity tests show that the pressure on virginity now lies only on women.

In other words, while it no longer matters that a boy or a man should be a virgin at the time of marriage, most parents (men and women) insist that their son would not marry a girl or a woman who’s not a virgin.

Is this not discrimination?

My Advice To Men Who Insist That Their Would-Be Spouse Must Be A Virgin

What’s The Big Deal In A Girl Or Woman Being A Virgin At The Time Of Marriage?

As a man, have you ever dwelled on the idea that your lover may have had other sexual partners before you?

If it bothers you to think that she may have had sex with another person before you, or that you do not wish that she has had sex with anyone but you, then you need to have a rethink about it before it becomes a point of contention between the two of you.

Are you one of those men who believe that a woman’s virginity is usually measured by whether she bleeds during her first sex (that is when her hymen (a thin membrane of skin inside the vagina) ruptures on penetrative intercourse)?

If that is your belief, then, you have to think twice as the issue of bleeding at the first attempt at sexual intercourse is more of a myth than a fact.

There are three things you need to know about sex and virginity.

1. A woman’s hymen does not only rupture as a result of sex. Other factors that may cause a woman’s hymen to rupture include intense sports, a genetic condition, or masturbation, and not necessarily because she had had sex with a man.

2. Sex, as it were, constitutes fondling and oral sex without actual penetration. If that is the case, can a woman who has had oral sex but not sexual intercourse with a man said to be a virgin, technically speaking?

3. Since the virginity test entails checking for an intact hymen, don’t you think a wise or smart sexually active woman who wishes to get married as a virgin may decide or choose to undergo a discreet hymen reconstruction surgery so as to avoid being discovered as one who had had sex previously?

It’s possible!

And if a woman can go to that extent just to marry you, have you not made yourself a big fool?

Again, what makes you believe that a woman that was married as a virgin is better than the one who was not a virgin at the time that she was married?

Do you think a woman’s virginity is a barometer of her ‘purity’ and honour?

I don’t think so, speaking from my own personal experience.

Inasmuch as I do not support or encourage sex before marriage, I can confirm to you that there’s no big deal in a woman being a virgin at the time of her marriage.

Virginity does not guarantee that a woman would make a good wife when she’s finally married.

What makes a woman good in marriage is the fear of God; no more, no less.

If you remove the fear of God from either a man or a woman, anything, just anything can become of him or her; he or she can become ANYTHING evil, for example.

I know you may have dwelled on the idea that your spouse or spouse-to-be may have had other sexual partners before marrying or agreeing to marry you?

Haven’t you?

If not, good, but if yes, ask yourself: “Am I innocent of pre-marital sex?”

If you’re not a virgin at the time of marriage, why would you insist that your would-be spouse must be a spouse?

It is a destructive thought.

I enjoin you to disabuse your mind about it and forge ahead with your marriage, provided you LOVE her.

Since almost all of us: boys and girls, men women, are now involved in the dirty game of pre-marital sex, why then must women alone be singled out for ‘persecution?’

Again, if it bothers you that your partner may have had sex with different men before you, I implore you, for God’s sake, to disabuse your mind about it and see her as a precious person who’s ready to start life with you on a clean slate.

Do not allow her past sex life to bother you (much) unless you do not love her.

See her as a ‘new creature’ and ‘tell your mind’ that she’s the best woman for you.

After that, let her know that her past life does not matter to you, but that her future life with you does.

If you allow your spouse or your would-be spouse’s past sexual life to hunt or to bother you, you may never love her to the fullest, because your feelings would continue to be hurt by it.

Overlook that thought with the advice of the Bible passage that says: “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins” – Proverbs 10:12.

Furthermore, I enjoin you to be guided by a popular Nigerian proverb that says: “You do not ask a thief to return all that he or she has stolen. Rather, you advise him or her not to steal again.”

You cannot ask your partner to ‘undo’ all the sexual intercourses she had with different men in the past, but you can advise her not to repeat the same, as long as she remains your wife and lives under the same roof with you.

I hope you understood that?

What’s The Big Deal In A Girl Or Woman Being A Virgin At The Time Of Marriage?

It’s up to you…

The ball is in your court!

*This post was reviewed by Dr. Margaret Bradwell.